I was more expectant of death than hope for freedom. I was so block-headed that the only thought on my mind, daily, was if I could just sleep and didn't wake up. What a miserable life's experience I was into! I couldn't fake it anymore but also would not open up to anybody, no matter how close. I was the only victim of my itchy torment. I watched people around me, though I was too skeptical to admit it, but some were sincerely happy. No faking of joy. I loved the life they led. I wish I was them, and that made me long for freedom more.
I was just in my room, on a bright morning, when I had a rat-tat on my door. That sound get my startled because I was already far gone in thought as I used to.
"Yes...come in" I ordered
"Hello sister, sorry to interrupt your tranquility o" she said as she manoeuvred her way into my room and gently placed herself on my room mate bed.
'Tranquility ke? If you could only see the battle I am facing on the inside, you would run yourself' I thought as I politely asked,
"Sorry please, how may I help you? If you've come for Adeola (my only room mate), as you can see, she is not around."
"No, I didn't come for Adeola, it's you I have been sent to ma." she said with assuring smiles on her face.
"Me? Who knows me here? Please who sent you to me?" I didn't even know what else to ask.
"It's the Prince of peace, Lord Jesus. I saw you this morning in a vision, trying to call for help but as hard as you tried, you could not be heard, even by the closest person next to you. Ma, I don't know what it is you are facing, but I know of someone that could give you back your life and return the joy and happiness you have been yearning for all this while. If only you would confess your sin to Him and accept Him as Lord over your life." she persuaded.
If I said I wasn't surprise at what she was saying about some divine being volunteering to help me out, I will be deceiving no other person but myself. However, I couldn't resist this. I had waited for too long to not jump at any available help. The idea of someone finally coming to help sounded so soothing to my soul that I wasn't just enjoying the story of this sister but already feeling free.
So I asked, " I have heard of Him every where but how do I get to know Him myself? I think I should give Him a chance in my life"
Only heaven could explain how that sister happily felt at my humble yield to salvation. She wasn't camouflaging the joy. By that time, I wasn't ashamed to weep helplessly. I felt that the more I wept for joy, the lighter I became. I couldn't stop. Even when she finally said I should repeat after her,
"Lord Jesus, thank You for Your love and saving grace that has found me this day. I submit to Your Lordship and I confess all my sins before You. I won't do them again. Lord help me to be free totally from sinful enchantments of the flesh. Amen."
I meant all I said with the whole of my heart and I believed it would work for me and it sincerely deed. She brought out a very clean book, she called Bible, and handed it over to me as my first gift of salvation. I loved it.
She said the more I studied the book, the closer I would get to Jesus. Wow that sounded like a sure path to where Jesus abode and I took it seriously.
Before I knew what was going on, things I used to find pleasure in doing became more irritating than vomit. I became free and sincerely happy. Since then, till now, I have never faked being happy.