I have always
wanted to attend weddings with my fiancée, Abimbola. Not for any serious reason
but just to make her see how honest every spouse seems doing the vow thing.
Emotionally, I just can’t stand the tears that roll down my pricked heart
seeing the face to face confession of love. I wish I could make her see the
genuineness that envelops each word that comes out from the sincere hearts of
each spouse. I just can’t imagine variableness in it. It’s quite understandable
if it were to be dealings such as businesses, contracts, even political
swearing in of the elect. But, there is something so special about the vows one
takes in marriage. This is because, it’s a commitment, either party does not
think, hereafter, of a part way, retirement or departure. Those who are already
married through this process can bear me a bunch of witnesses. It’s a moment;
one forgets the truth is escaping through the same mouth that had let out
prevarication to the gullible victims in times past.
To me, the
best proof of love is that moments you ignore the presence of all other
persons around you to publicly tell how much you love and will continue to care
for your spouse. Nothing is more sincerely meaningful! I just trust it. That
was exactly how I thought my fiancée would feel whenever I promised to always
be there and keep to my changed self, till death do us part. I expected her to trust me more
because I never stopped trying to remain the change she ever wanted in a man.
Though it was a game I never got caught. You know what I mean, guys? But I let
go simply for love. I deliberately confessed all to build a formidable wall of
trust around our relationship, but to the very greatest of my disappointments,
she was only pretending to trust me. Until recently, when she told it to my
face that her faith in me is weakened due to the past atrocities committed by me.
It all began
with “Akin, we need to talk.” Though, I
also had read the signs but was thinking of another reason for this and so I
would not let go of my policy of CHANGE. I believed it would work with her. And
you know how uncomfortably guys feel whenever ladies suddenly demand a talk?
But I was not moved. I had long wanted the talk. It might change things, I
thought and gladly said
“Ok. Should I
call or we chat?”
“No. let’s
chat on Whatsapp. It’s going to be a long conversation” she said.
Hearing this,
I quickly switched my Data on as a loyal lover and sent many “hello love”, “are
you there”, “can we start now”, “hope
you are not a little busy now.”, “O ya
now”.
She later
replied, “Oh…sorry, it was network issue. Why the rush anyways, or are you
afraid?” I should be, but I was rather expectant of what the reasons she was
going to give for her lately eccentric attitude towards ‘us’. And so I replied coolly,
“Nope, why
should I, baby? You should trust me. I am clean now, not like the times past,
dear. I just need to know why my love is acting as this bizarre. Is anything
the matter from me?”
“No. I just
need to ask a few questions and I want you to be sincere. I hope you will not
be irritated.” She said.
“Not at all,
just go right ahead, love”
“Ok. What do
you think is the cause why our relationship is falling apart?” she asked.
“Maybe it’s
because of distance, money or the issue we are presently facing in our
academics” I replied.
She later
asked, “Are you sure?”
I said,
“That’s what I could fathom out of this…except there is another thing you know”
And she
replied, “I don’t wanna regret my marriage. Things are like this because I
don’t want to make mistake. On the contrary, I don’t want to suffer now and be
dumped later.”
With these
words I was taken aback. As if we’ve not had this conversation more than a
million time. “See, all I want is your commitment. I love you and I promise to
love you forever…I have good plans for you. God knows I do…” I said.
She replied,
“There are more to it than what you think…the faith I used to have has been
injured”
“How? Why? I
thought you should know by now that I am a changed person. Or haven’t you
forgiven me? Are you there? Abimbola?” I thought it’s high time we never visited
the past like an email box. I stopped being an infidel since two years ago when
I rededicated my life spiritually and promised to restitute. I confessed my
pasts and she seemed to have sincerely forgiven me.
“Over thus
relationship, I have been in a confused state of mind since last year” she
said.
“You shouldn’t
think about the past. Our future is near and bright…except you no longer
believe in me again” I said, thinking maybe she would have a change of mind.
“Let me come
out straight cos I cannot hide it again. My faith is really weakened now” she
said bluntly
“Why are you
talking like this? I know I have done enough for you to lose all trust in me
but that was then. Everything you want me to do is what I’ve been doing and I
am willing to do more if that is what you want. I never wanted to be wayward.”
I said dejectedly.
“I am not
talking of physical, it’s spiritual…and you know that the spiritual controls
the physical. I was told that there is a curse and, If not properly taken care
of, will cause you to marry another wife and also that there is going to be
separation tomorrow.”
I wished she had never said that. Not because
I do not believe in the spirituality but it’s because what I dreaded had
finally dawned on me. Abimbola is the type that goes about consulting
‘prophets’ here and there for things one should have prayed about
and believe God will do it. She knew I hate it, because I had once fallen prey
of false prophecy from one of these wolves in sheep clothing. And so I replied.
“Then what do
you want me to do now or has another person told you that we are not compatible
anymore?” I really had to ask this question because when I was going to start
having problems with her in our courtship, it was someone that told her that,
beside her, I probably might love somebody else because there is another lady
meant for me. That was about eight months ago. The response I innocently gave
was that, even if there is another lady somewhere, the lady is late because I
have found you and resolved to spend the rest of my whole like here with you.
But because she would not trust me, even for a billion dollars, she began to
act obviously hostile…treating my calls with scorn, ignoring my invitations,
and raining hostile
words which sometimes force me back into my shell regretting. I thought she
would stand to fight my batter and proudly share in the victory. The reverse
seems to be the case.
She replied,
“Not one person, nor two. So don’t expect me to behave…I don’t know what to do.
There is a great fear in me; fear of the unseen circumstances.”
My eyes
nearly pop off their sockets at the sight of her ‘neither one person nor two’.
That means she must have gone farther than little miles consulting these
‘prophets’ with different
psychoanalyses on my own Abimbola. The little I know about the true God is that
He is never an author of confusion and He is not the type that compromise on
His words. I stand to be corrected. So where is the confusion and fear coming
from in a relationship that has survived eight years on God’s word? And so I
replied with all coolness
“Hmmm… how possible will that be? Why
not let us get committed to God. I can’t marry any other wife after my first;
all I want is your help spiritually too”
The confusion now showed more in her
reply. “I don’t want to think again, what if I get married to you and it
happens? What if I leave you and make the greatest mistake of my life?” I pity
her, though, but she is not willing to be submissive anymore. The problem is
not hers; all I would advise her to do is desist from going here and there in
search of the truth she already knows.
And so I replied, “All I need is you
help and not your departure. You are supposed to be my encouragement, why are
you talking and thinking like this? Evil prophecy is never mine. Just follow
your mind and you don’t have to be afraid, I know God will see me through.” I
said and she replied,
“Amen. I don’t even know what my
heart is saying cos is full of confusion. I need help. Please can you do me a
favour?
Now I responded a little angrily,
“What is the favour?”
She said, “In order to help each
other, go for prayers. Somebody told me that if you can fast for like many days
with the help of a good prophet of God, that there can be solution” She would
not stop amazing me. I don’t know if you also caught the truth here. The second
person pronoun ‘YOU’, she all of a sudden, now used was never there before.
Where is the personal plural pronoun, ‘WE’? That means I am now on my own. It’s
my problem now. I got it!
So I responded like I never cared
anymore, “I have and I am still praying. Thanks. I do understand what it is you
are trying to avoid and you have really tried, you stood by me all the way.”
With this, my mind is concretely made up to back out, not from the normal and
changed person I am but from the relationship of fear and confusion. Thanks to
her, she literarily changed me but could not wait to reap the fruits
thereof.
