“He
shall feed His flock like a shepherd: He shall gather the lambs with His arms, and
carry them in His bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young”
When I was a child I really wanted to be a man
real quickly. Doing things like the MAN and so when I made a fluke hit, sure
shot or remarkable goal, as a child, I would hear my friends or eye-witnesses
say, ‘YOU ARE THE MAN’. That gave a great deal of emotional euphoria. I
desperately wanted to be a man. I meant a real man but wouldn’t know how. Many are
still out there who only dream of becoming real men but wouldn’t even care to
know how before marriage. They end up preparing in marriage rather than for
marriage. They would have crossed the Rubicon before they realise how worse
they have been, compared to real MEN.
Being a real man
begins at home. A man who is successful in all but home is worse than a failure
in all. How more can one describe a fool than a man who is not capable of
leading his home aright! The problem with men who are failures at home is not
changing for better but knowing they are worse than they have always claimed.
When I first got married, someone asked me a sincere question:
She said, “Tell
me about your parents?”
And I responded
proudly, “My father worked very hard for us but we weren’t even close. On the
other hand, there was nothing my mother could not do for her children. She was
a great woman.”
It was later in
that day that it occurred to me that I was becoming what I hated most in my
father’s attitude towards us his children and his wife when he was alive. He
would go building career for himself and paying off our bills at home and
school but we always missed him around. It was when I have a family of mine
that I could imagine how hard my mother coped with his absence then. He did all
to cater for our material but emotional needs. We needed a father, not his
shadow!
When I was
growing to become a man, I did as much as possible to map out things or
attitudes that might not make me end up a real man, knowing full well that a
real man must be a real son, brother, son-in-law, father and best of all, real
husband. I tried to stick to instructions and never to break hearts and rules
of friendship. I latter got converted to Christ by my grandma and became so
committed to God’s service.
I was made a
deacon in church, seeing that I was young and zealous for God and His service.
I had thought of many ways, the devil could tempt me to cheat on my wife and
have desisted from them by God’s grace. Though, the sisters at church still
wished I was the man for them and many came in their tempting appearances, but
I have made my choice. I never even knew that one might be too committed to
church services than one’s service at home. And so I thought my wife was too
demanding.
What else could
she have wanted? I was not cheating on her. She knew I was just committed to
the church of God. I took her complaint for that of the unbeliever’s. How could
she be contending with the church, I thought? The wall of my marriage began to
fall apart but couldn’t fathom why. I was so engrossed in taking solace at the
service I rendered in church and ignoring her complaints. I never thought it
necessary to take it slow with church activities that were eating deep into me.
I was always available at church but home and couldn’t see anything wrong with
that. But something kept telling me that I wasn’t the man I wanted to be. I
have always wanted a balance relationship with my family and with my God.
I was becoming
less romantic. I, most times, came home late, not from office but church. My
wife wanted more of me but I was too insensitive to her tears. Even whenever
she tried to make love with me in the way we used to, I would just remember
what I probably had left undone at church and unconsciously mutter it out and
this, several times, have stopped the fun. I would wonder why she had broken
away from the fun, just because she heard me say something about church. After
all, it wasn’t a lady’s or woman’s name. I wasn’t cheating on her now! I never
even realised that I was with secondary commitment.
I became so
miserably pathetic that I had to come late to her M.Sc. Degree convocation from
church. She became very angry, though I expected her to understand. When we got
home, she refused to say anything to me and that made me angrier. In anger, I
walked up to her and said,
“I sincerely
don’t understand you o…do you even have the idea how hard putting up with work,
church and the bills in the house is? Why do you give so much more problem?”
“Do you really
have the idea how hard being ignored for some church hypocritical activities
is?” she immediately answered.
What could I
have done but watch her walk out on me? When I got to church, the following
day, I explained situation of things in my marriage to my Pastor, who heaped
the blame on me. I wonder why. He made me realise the fact that the first
ministry committed into my hands by God is my home. He said, if I fail in my
marriage but succeed in all other commissions, I have failed in all because
ministry begins at home.
That means the
REAL man is the shepherd who knows and cares about the pain and joy of his
flock; brings them to the right pasture and leads them home. The real man
complains last and does not run away from responsibility. The real man gives
succour, not compels. The real man is the one that leads his family to God, not
the one that leaves his behind and claims to be God’s HIT-MAN. Be real!
